Find The Balance

It is a horrific feeling to know that you are not appreciated and treated with the love and understanding that you deserve.To be thrown aside with no useful explanation.To realise you are not part of something special anymore and you have to find the energy, again, to cope with this new life revelation.
It takes far longer to mend yourself and forget the hurt that the other person has caused. My heart has a few scars slashed over it from neglect and outright lack of respect. To this day I dip into that poisonous pool of despair and try to find the love behind the hurt.
I want them to hurt like I did, I want them to remember...I talk myself into believing that they still reflect and feel guilty about the way they treated me and, if ever, given the opportunity they would shock me with a genuine heart felt apology and few tears to show their remorse...But that's NOT the way life works..I have had to learn to let go and move on..no one is that big a person to put someone elses needs ahead of their own after a break up, of any kind.

I have sat there hearing the worst things I think about myself coming straight out of someone else's mouth. My own words cutting their way into my soul. I know I have been cruel. I know I have been cold. I know I am a scary human being. I know my words can be more than any human being could ever want to hear and could mean more to someone than life itself BUT I can take it all away with one flicker of my forked tongue.
I know you don't understand me. I know I make you feel worthless but,even I, am not sure how I do that.
I have sat there with hard eyes, hiding more compassion than you may ever know, BUT no strength to show you any of it.I feel the guilt far more than any one else could muster. This is far more damaging to me than it will ever be to you. I have very rational reasons for the things I have done but they all go out the window when I see those sorrowful eyes searching for the person they love so much but know they will never find again. BELIEVE me when I say that the disappointment is mutual. Even though I am weary, I am hanging onto every single word, fighting the urge to lash out and hurt you further because of my own ego.I know I have hurt you and I can see the future issues that will burden you, all because of my own selfishness.

They both make sense. They both are justified. They are both connected. The key to contentment is the middle path.Acceptance is the hardest and first step to understanding these emtions. Emotions are our obstacles. We need to learn to control them. We need to change our perception and association with them. This will bring you relief. This will fill the gaps of a broken heart. This will teach you to love unconditionally. This will bring about true happiness. This will help you let go and be free from the burdens you bare. This is finding your balance and inner peace.