Alter Ego wannabe

I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I had been an adrenalin junkie, or even a natural jock who could pick up any thing and turn it into a fun outdoor activity.
Sure I was a Tom boy when I was younger... I played baseball, climbed trees, broke limbs, foofi slid into dams, swam in tadpole-infested waters,did numerous tricks with rollerblades, had a BMX gang and gained my RESPECT badge from all the guys for either having the most accurate shot with a bee-bee gun or when I won the Dare challenges. I seemed fearless when I was younger.
Then I hit high school and ..well..still climbed buildings, played Dare and took on the fabulous art called Kung Fu.
After school, a few torn ligaments later, I seemed to lose that momentum. I don't know what happened. I always wanted to learn how to surf but after an unfortunate incident long ago, I have always been scared of the sea.
I always wanted to ride motorbikes and get those funky boots but after a few car accidents(none my fault), I ditched that idea.

As I get older I worry I am losing that edge, that thing that pushes the boundries within myself. I seem to have replaced things like skateboarding, skydiving,hang gliding, zorbing and sword combat with things like sewing, couch-surfing, stretching, eating civilised meals with friends and being careful not to slip on ice in winter time. WHAT THE HELL?

As an act of defiance, I have decided to start longboarding in the summer. I hope I stick to this. Truely. I seem to have developed a fear of hurting myself and not being able to teach Pilates as a result. I think it's a small excuse actually and I am puzzled as to why I have this new found phobia of fun. Or am I just getting far too old? SOMEONE, anyone, please snap me back to reality.

Running Blues

Nothing quite hits the spot like a dirty Blues drawl. My love for the Blues is so engrained in me, that it's in the way I glide and sink into the Earth as I walk, it the constant flicker of my heartstrings and the sound that plays when I'm angry and confused. It keeps the electricity in my veins pumping when I find inspiration. It consoles me when I'm down. It grounds me when I'm lost in the clouds.

Last night I experienced the perfect 10 minutes of bliss. It was a cold winter's evening and I was heading out to go teach my Pilates class. I rolled my iPod down to one of my favourites: John Lee Hooker. I cranked it up loud and made the straps of my bag tighter. I took a deep breath in and began to run. Yes, me, RAN! The streets were busy-bright and the air crisp. I focused on each step, each muscle and charged through the streets of London. With every step,John pushed me harder and made me stronger. It took me ten sweet minutes to get to my destination. I felt the love of the universe and the focus of the now.
Happy days.

Fried brain anyone?

I have a love-hate relationship with technology, and more specifically, my computer. My 3 day part time job requires me to sit at a desk and die a little inside each time the phone rings. I sit in front of a computer that fries my brain with radiation every second of the day, not to mention the fact that it runs at a speed of, oh, I guess the same pace as growing a plant would take. I feel like a slave to this computer because it is not only the source of my irritation, but the source of my escape from the mundane.

That said, my laptop at home is a source of such joy and portability. I can veg on the couch and watch anything, be anyone, research anything. It keeps my thighs warm in winter and plays glorious amounts of music. what's not to like?

Environment has a lot to do with it, of course,...but today, my dear people of the interweb..I blame the computer. It's actually just a glorified TV really, which I also have a love-hate relationship with. Maybe I'm just confused about my feelings for screens. Or lighted up squares.Or information?Oh goodness...I'm calling a time out on myself...T!

Conciousness and wobble cushions

Has any one noticed the shift in balance of the world? There seems to be a new awakening happening in everyone. No matter what the nature of the awakening, it is an opportunity to elevate oneself to a higher level of conciousness.

As human beings we have this nasty habit of separating ourselves from others and this even extends to our habits, beliefs and motivations. I see this everyday even in more simple terms. I pop a client on a wobble cushion(or stability cushion) and watch them jiggle around like jelly through the exercises until the make that connection again with their bodies and their mind. Until they make that connection and become more aware of how the body works and what it needs to improve its quality of movement, they cannot progress. I help them find that connection and, let me tell you, there is no greater reward than watching someone go PING! and let a smile splat onto their faces as they finally understand the benefit of effort and concentration.

It's the same in life. Science and teachings from various religions are seen as separate and could not possibly exist together in harmony. They cannot work in balance together? Why not? Why make that separation? Then by using both aspects of knowledge we create a unified connection to everyone and everything? If we put the effort in to ourselves, just like our bodies, and reconnect to everything around us, the rewards are just indescribable. Separation creates loneliness and instability or unbalance...why attach to one belief by excluding another? We live in a three dimensional world, so why not have a third perception of the world too. A middle path or middle existence that utilises the best of life's dualities.
I once heard something that got me questioning the concept of perception:
If you stand in front of someone you see them from one perspective. If you stand behind them, you see them from a completely different perspective. Yet we know that even though you see two different sides, they still make up on whole person. You cannot separate that person into two different people...well you could but they would die, quite literally. One cannot exist without the other.
So what I am trying to say is: Why can't we all just get a long and treat everyone and all living entities with love and respect? You have nothing but contentment to gain from this. Reflect,forgive and be thankful!

Sleeping beauty

I am laughing as I write this and shaking my head at the thought of the path that is poking me in my side and saying " Follow me, you big dodo!" It must be the snow or something but I am feeling so loved up and happy. Listening to Josh Garrels and trudging in the snow, I feel like I should be in some kind of rom com.

I am welcoming my new path with welcome arms. My career is shaping into quite a unexpected area...a miniture human shape actually. Babies and little kids. Yes! Me the most unbroody woman in town, is now all about these little guys.

I have completed my specialised pre and post natal course and have attended some classes with mothers and their babies and, man, babies fascinate me. I could stare into their eyes for hours and just absorb their pure innocence and fresh perception of the world. Their world is so simple and honest, it's great. I will be starting some classes soon and I can't wait to be part of the whole process of new life and chaos after birth hahahaha..
Not only that I have an interview to teach pilates at a primary school. I have been researching this niche and I think I would have a blast teaching kids pilates. There is so much you can do with them and it will definitely keep me on my toes in terms of creativity. I can't wait to tell stories, play games with overballs and learn about patience and the joy of hearing funny farting noises.
What me grow...it's going to be a massive new adventure and no bad weather is gonna get in my way. POOYA!

Pocket change for Christmas

25 November. One month until Christmas or more like 4 weeks to bankruptcy. I am the most ghastly christmas present buyer. I always seem to be on a budget and everything appropriate seems to be affordable only to the stupid and rich. I dread this time of year. People say they don't want presents but they do. They really do. Truely.

I have been the victim of no-thank you's and guilt trips over no-presents countless of times. I am more likely to buy gifts for people when I see something on my travels that reminds me of that person. No special occasion, no forced reason for spending, just plain good ol' love and appreciation. That's what counts right? pffff!

I guess instead of 'Tis the season to be jolly we should say 'Tis the season for queues and spending...yeah I was gonna do the whole clever rhyming thing using the word Folly but by wikipedia definition Folly means a building primarily built for decoration...which didn't really make sense but hey at least you learnt something new today!

Tattoos, kung fu and lobsters

I feel well rested but I don't know why because my dreams were so action packed. I had a friendly kung fu fight scene with my best mate. I was pulling all the swing kicks, punches and jumps that would make Bruce Lee proud. I miss that feeling of powerful energy shooting out of your limbs as you glide around an open floor. I miss that focus and intensity that you get from hours of body torture. Only once you reached exhaustion does your true training begin. The power of the mind. Our bodies are so much stronger than our minds. The true battle is with the mind.

Saying that I wonder about my mind. If dreams are anything to go by, I have a lot of bulit up frustration and creativity. Besides dreaming of giant lobsters being stroked like little puppy dogs, and tattoos on people's arms that are constantly changing as they project images that best descibe what emotion the person is feeling at the time. I dream of saving people from natural disasters and what always annoys me in dreams is that I always seem to be so much more articulate. I can actually express what I want to say perfectly and with such precision, I really put my waking self to shame. Tsk Tsk.

Every morning I try to spend at least five minutes with my eyes closed trying to recall as much of my dreams as I can. It's all about repetition. Repeat images and words to yourself to imprint it into the memory pile. Find the trail that lead you there. There is never logic in dreams, the mind is open to every possibility and nothing is restricted. I love dreaming. I have somehow even managed to talk to myself in my dreams and remind myself that things are not real and that I am just dreaming. I used to suffer from horrific nightmares so dark and twisted I was scared to go to sleep. The only way I could control that fear was to intercept that fear by reminding myself that I was just dreaming.
Ok I really have to be a bit more disciplined and write down all my dreams. I have a good memory so that should hopefully be easy...or maybe it's best I leave that door closed to the rest of the world. I don't want to be THAT person who bores others with scrambled images and storylines. Maybe dreams are just meant to be kept personal?hmmm...

Energy is...

Energy is that first step into a hot bath in winter.
Energy is when you get that laugh you were hoping for.
Energy is the first crack of the hardened Ice Cap choc-mint sauce on your ice cream.
Energy is the sweet, soulful sound of a Blues Harmonica ringing in your ears.
Energy is when you absorb the scorching rays as the sea breeze blows in your hair.
Energy is when your tricycle becomes a bicycle.
Energy is the first time you eat fresh snow.
Energy is when you realise your true purpose in life.
Energy is the way we protect the weak from the bully.
Energy is when we hear those words: " I am so proud of you"
Energy is the stretch that eases a stiff muscle.
Energy is the appreciation you feel when your loyal dog welcomes you home.
Energy is the relief after finally dislodging that piece of popcorn in your teeth.
Energy is the taste of a minty fresh kiss.
Energy is the smell of freshly washed clothes.
Energy is the unconditional love of a best friend.
Energy is when you help an old lady carry her groceries up the stairs.
Energy is the blissful joy of dancing to your favourite band or DJ.
Energy is having your feet rubbed hard with oils and strong hands.
Energy is about forgiving and forgetting.
Energy is about that inner light
Energy is about common ground and understanding.
Energy is the meaning and the drive.
Energy is the love of life and the heart of truth.

Time to realise

I had one of those extremely rare and shocking awakenings through a conversation with a soul mate. My soul mate has nothing to do with puppy dog love or an idealistic love affair. I'm talking about a friendship so deep and fulfilling, it has extended over many life times. We chatted about the future, we chatted about the purpose of life especially in this critical time. We couldn't keep the tears from rolling down our cheeks as we realised the concept of compassion and love together. We realised more than ever before the power of friendship and understanding of other human beings. We realised how much we have to do in such a short space of time and how strong we have to be to continue, even if it is all by ourselves.

I am talking about a moment in time when a friend cares so much for you that she shares with you a truth that will truely elevate you spiritually and capitvate the essence of purpose. Or in Layman's terms, it was a truth about life that kicked my arse in to gear. I was so overcome with emotion and awakening that the way I see the world far out weighs the desire to live a blind existence. I felt it all along. She confirmed that nagging urgency.

I'm probably making no sense to the people reading this blog right now. I have been a part of an experience that completely flips my perception to what is truely important. The time has come for me to let go of those ridiculous attachments I hold so dear. The time has come to be brave and face my demons head on with sincerity and love.The time has come to realise the importance of knowing and putting that into practise. Inner cultivation and outer practise.

I stare at that black and white picture I took in South Africa.Boats waiting beside a massive ocean, yearning to be filled with people and to be used for its sole purpose of travel and a change of scenary. It wants to help us realise how small we are in the grand scheme of things. My question is how do we get others to realise that the time has come to move, to act and to enjoy the blissful freedom that has been promised to us. We aren't free until we learn to dig deeper, think with more focus, live with more hope, share more, forgive always and help others do the same.

Song of the day: Blessed is He by Josh Garrels
Colour of the day: Lilac
Food of the day: pesto

Teacher, teacher

It's one thing teaching Pilates to a bunch of grumpy and stressed out adults but I wonder how it would be teaching a group of hormonal, snotty-nosed teenagers?
I have an interview in a couple of days at a college in North London. The average age for the class is 14yrs to 17yrs old. I thought I knew what it felt like being that age but after my camping trip a few months ago, I realised how out of touch I am with the kids. I'm 27, is that sad? Or is that misguided?

If the college like my Irish/South African charm, they will pay for me to do a 6 week course which should equip me to teach kids. I like that idea. I like the fact that I could possibly aid the future generation to start thinking more holistically and more practically about movement and healthy living.

I recall learning eurythmics movement(not the band) at my Waldorf school in my pre-teens. It was fantastic.This method utilizes the expression of physical movement and musical rhythms to reinforce the concepts which affect the student’s performance and retention of musical basics.

Music and movement had such a huge influence on me, maybe I can somehow influence these kids. My biggest obstacle, though, is that fact that I have no appreciation for the synthesised music that the youth listen to today. How do I change their perception of music too, I'm no expert. But wait, I'M the teacher which means that they have to do what I say, RIGHT?...Again,am I misguided?Nah...I can do this.Watch me shine!

Splendido

My creativity is screaming to come out.Scratching at my soul, begging for some attention. I am sailing a calm sea at the moment with pilates and the work aspect of my life but I had a jolting realisation two nights ago. I have become one of THOSE people. I have been in a spin for so long now, putting in the essential time it needs to make a successful career, that I have forgotten what it means to just relax. I have forgotten how it feels to just chill-exercise. I am so focused on the next task that I cannot enjoy the right now! That's not me. It won't be me.

So creativity, my dear sweet friend, I am all yours. I will start with that unfinished canvas of colours, glittery blobs and bizarre misconnections. Tonight you are MINE! I OWN you! It's going to be the key to re-learning the art of relaxation. Finding the balance again and just remembering that part of myself that keeps me sane.Ohmmmmm..ohmmm..sigh...

Dingle Dangle

I feel the urge to splurge, oh dear!
I'm entranced by this dangling tongue.
So pink, new and full of tastebuds.
Complimented by the sweetest button-nose..and a dog, I guess.
I imagine a miniature version of me clutching on tightly,
Averting the drop to my death and inevitable splat.
Would a petit me splat, though?
Or would I bounce back up and land in the dog's nostril?
I guess it would be like landing in a wet cave.
I bet the dog would sneeze...ah gross!
I would definitely splat into the floor, now, with the added slime factor.
How do you recover from something like that?
Is this what it feels like to be a bug?
If I was a bug I would make music with my wings
Like crickets do with their legs.
Yes! I would start a bug band.
A prickly black and white caterpillar, with a protruding cigar, on drums.
A dung beetle on base guitar.
An ass wiggling bee on the trombone.
A dirty fly, with Blues glasses, playing the harmonica.
A lanky stick insect on lead guitar.
And of course , a husky Jessica Rabbit style butterfly on vocals.
Er...I would be the doop-wop girl who clicks fingers and has slick-rick moves.
The Big Bug Blues Band.
Rad.
Rambling complete. Over and out.

Vacuflex feet

There comes a point in every woman's (and man's) life where we are faced with'THE PILL' issue. Most of us want think we need it and like to be extra 'safe'. What could be so harmless about popping a pill for 3 weeks of the month? For a man, they feel protected against pregnancy and often don't really worry about much else. In fact most women do the same. I was one of those women for 10 yrs to be precise.

My journey to this blog-blab( I like that word...I wonder how many times I could appropriately use that in my day?hmmm...). It laboriously began with an eyeball issue. My eye. It became the bain of my life. Red, itching, dry, throbbing, half eyeball-half beast. Whenever I touched a drop of alcohol, they would rage furiously and laugh at my resulting pain. Against my better judgement I tried conventional Western medicines. The optometrist gave me overpriced glasses that I never use, said I must just be dehydrated and sent me to a pharmacist to get some eye drops. The pharmacist said I needed something thicker like gel drops and recommended I drink more water and see a doctor. My GP shrugged and put me on antibiotic drops 'just in case' and an eyeball cream. Needless to say nothing changed and all I was left with was a bad taste in my mouth from the anitbiotics. Who knew that the vile drops actually get absorbed through the tear ducts, go down the throat and land onto my tastebuds?

The next tedious months saw me guzzling copious amounts of water to try hydrate myself, dropping colloidial silver into the eyes for temporary relief and an endless string of moaning and foot stomping.
To cut an even longer story short I went to get treated by an acupuncturist. Oh MAN! I got far more than I bargained for. The eye was the least of my worries. The eye meridian is connected to the liver. The liver cleans the blood and regulates hormones. It turns out my liver was struggling to cope to the point of exhaustion and, naturally, the rest of the body was overworked to compensate. A bit more research into this tiny little 'pill', I discovered the dark truth. I started to read about scary stories of healthy and active women having strokes at 21 yrs old, scarring of internal organs and the list goes on. A woman called Dr Ellen Grant was asked to do reserach oon the pill and ended up writing a book called " A bitter Pill to swallow: the Betrayal of Oral Contraceptives" wanting to get them banned. Read it.

However I am occasionally known for my practicality and know that when you are looking for horror stories you will find it so I decided to ignore them and just focus on sorting myself out. Not as easy as I had hoped for. Five months down the line and I now finally feel like I am getting the help I need.
Vacuflex. It sounds like another brand of drugs for body builders but it is actually a treatment for controlling the energy of the body. It increases the energy in the body to help with cell regeneration, repair and maintenance. It's like being attached to a metal octopus with purple suckers. These suckers unblock meridians/chakras in the body, cleansing and restoring the body's balance. Your feet are placed in 'vacuum boots' for a few minutes and then show discolourations on the feet when taken off showing the problem areas. Apparently the only things in my body that are in good working order are my lungs and my brain(although my man thinks my mind may need to be examined for crazy seeds). It's like a combination of reflexology, acupuncture and the kind of thing you would expect to see in an alien film, except without the slime.

So now I'm on a treatment course which is doing wonders for everything. I feel like I did when my mom would make me vegatble soup when I was ill. So much TLC. For the first time in about a year, my body seems to be doing what it should and getting the correct help it needs. Go Vacuflex!

oh ..and..blog-blab!...that felt good.

Spinning speed

* Part time working for 3 days a week at a busy job.Check!
* Looking for something better. Check!
* Forked out for a gorgeous space for pilates classes. Check!
* Terrified I won't be able to cover the room hire with enough clients. Check!
* Looking for new pilates clients. Check!
* Teaching in all other spare time. Check!
* talking gibberish for no one's benefit. Check!
* Craving chocolate in a very unhealthy way. Check!
* Lost track of the purpose of this post. Check!
* Getting dizzy from the admin, juggling and balancing issues. Check!
* Spinning...well...understatement. Check!

Brilliant Babies

I'm not baby broody, only dog broody.Just stating the facts first before I proceed to tell you how brilliant babies are in this hilarious documentry film called...wait for it...BABIES! It's about 4 babies: one from Namibia, one from Tokyo, one from San Francisco and the last from Mongolia. It's a collection of precious moments from birth to first steps. It's a film done by Focus Features who brought you Lost in translation and Burn After Reading. It's a must see for BOTH guys and girls. You will laugh A LOT. ...and before you ask..no I am not paid to write about this. Just watch the film and enjoy!

Barcelona colour

...and far too many places to spend your money.Awesome CHEAP transport..(unlike London..how do they justify their prices here?)//get the T10 travel card. If you aren't sure where to eat, hit the killer markets for some fresh produce. And above all...if you aren't comfortable with sunburns or nudity, stay away from the beaches.

Splish splashing around...

I am not a girlie-girl...I loved climbing trees, sticking up for the underdog, playing with dinosaurs, learning martial arts and wearing trousers and dungarees when I was younger. I have ditched the dinosaurs but generally the rest still applies. I like the way men are so simple and black and white. They like this and dislike that...and they have no qualms telling you about it. Easy to please, easy to get on with. WHOAH..tangent...
OK...HOWEVER..when it come to bathing and all those girlie smells and toiletries..I'm a bonafide connoisseur. Fruity or coconut,candles and oils, you name it, I love it. I have recently purchased an aquamarine face cloth. Insignificant item to some, but a beautiful piece of memory to me.
Using it last night reminded me of the days when I used to sing at the top of my lungs while rubbing myself down with the face cloth. I used to stay in the bath until I got nice and wrinkly trying to think of all the things I could convert my face cloth into. It was a pretty mini skirt. It was a floppy wet hat to stop my magic inventions leaking out of my head. It was a puppet. It was a jelly fish. And last but not least it was the source of many arguments with my mom over who should clean up the water all over the floor. I loved bathing so much that when I would let the water out, I would slide back and forth in the slowly depleting water right up until the last drop slithered into the drains below.Ah good times!Good times

London colour

A collection of pieces at this years graffitti festival

Life witnessed...

When it comes to most technology, specifically,computer technology and patience...I am the living bad example.There is no mixing of the two. My friends either laugh at me or they shake their head in frustration at my ignorance and lack of willingness to learn. All that aside here I am breaking my own boundaries and writing a blog..on a computer! Watch me grow, watch me shine!

Now when it comes to photography and film, I am absolutely gaga (damn that woman for destroying that lovely word for the rest of us). But it's more about the visual and kinaesthetic appeal for me. Maybe it's a shallow love but it really gets my mind processing. Photographs capture a thought in time. For some it may be vanity, for others it may be a need to capture an emotion. They are all memories none the less. An instant tangible moment in time. Film requires a longer journey, a longer memory lane. Both can alter our realities and both can be fake depictions of a moment in time.

If we could watch our lives through a hidden camera in a series of moments with all the world watching, would we be proud of the life we have lead so far? Would we want to do things differently? Would we be able to laugh with everyone else at the things that are embarrassing? Would we be able to control our anger when criticised? Would we be ashamed at being caught out? Could we forgive ourselves as well as others who have hurt us? Could we change our perception of our life? Could we handle the truth?

It makes me wonder how many secrets I keep locked away in my mind and heart. I am relieved I have the mercy of the universe for this privacy, especially of my thoughts. It takes a split second to form an opinion and a second to make that thought an action. Next thing you know it's a habit and finally develops into your character. Life is so short, how many negative characters have we tried on? Technology is like life, the more effort we put into understanding it and how it works, the more we can use these new skills to create something meaningful, if only for your self , but hopefully for others too. *click* That's all it takes to capture something meaningful which can be enjoyed by everyone. Something we can be proud of. A good legacy to leave in this magnificent existence we know so little about. And it's free...

Do it. Use it. Be it.

Ps. Nike have nothing on me!

Song of the day:Monte by Zee Avi
Food of the day: Malaysian yellow curry