Slipping and sliding

One of my first memories of a slide was not as pleasant as you would think. The great thing about slides it that first feeling of excitement, then the feeling of freedom as you go down the slide enjoying the quick gush of wind that flies across your face. On this occasion, however, instead of finishing off with a sense of joy and satisfaction, I was blinded by a swarm of wasps. I remember the beady buggers waiting for me at the bottom with yellow striped legs dangling in their attack zone. I felt like a piece of prey captured in a spiderweb with ninja stars sticking into me.
The bathtub I was thrown into, was filled with ice and cold water and it did not do wonders for my mental stability either. From burning up by the stings, to freezing to the point of hypothermia I lost the ability to think rationally. Was I alive or dead? However, being fussed over for days by my grandmother and being spoilt rotten with chocolates and hugs certainly made up for it.

In our lives, we have a playground full of slides, just waiting to get used. Our emotions and intimate relationships are a constant source of playground 'fun'. We are safe and supported on the top, then have a brief false sense of security and freedom before it's over and we have reached the end of the journey. And occasionally, we have a few wasp nests waiting for our arrival at the bottom. Some slides are more slippery than others too which makes the trip faster and blurrier and at the end you ask yourself: why did that have to end so quickly? Other slides need more of a nudge to push through all the debris in the way. At the end you think: What was the point of that? No matter what the outcome at the bottom, it's always an exhilarating experience to be part of the ride.

Go find the perfect slide, that has the right slippery surface for easy, comfortable and joyful satisfaction. And at the bottom ask yourself: How can I do that again?

A Silly Thought

I do not need to close my eyes.
The feeling is blindingly clear.
I do not need to speak it.
The knowing is deliciously sweet.
A silly thought? I must dig deeper.

I'm directed by that soulful whisper.
My concious mind begins to shine.
Your bleeding heart is yearning.
My buzzing breath is searching.
A silly thought? I think not.

It is not DNA that seals our fate.
It's affinity and hopeful believing.
You wait for my giving nature.
You understand my true intentions.
A silly thought? To others, maybe.

I want to protect you from your past.
I want to cradle you in the present.
I want to uplift you in your future.
I want to share with you my love.
A silly thought? No, not ever!

It's all becoming so much clearer.
It's all about being better.
It's all for you and for the world.
It's all in line with life and purpose.
A silly thought? Sssh... I'm coming for you, Angel.
Just hold on a little longer.

(2011)

The right perspective

I am not here to talk about my recent trip to South Africa, although that was quite a ride to be on. I am here to blurb about the concept of contradiction.
Watching, oh so shamefully, a reality TV program called the Real Housewives of New York(my pink bicycle in times of boredom and procrastination)...I watched an episode where one of the unfortunate women was shown video evidence of her numerous contradictions. For example, she would say she supported PETA and the stopping of torture and cruelty of animals but she said that she loves and wears fur. This was just one of the examples but after watching a few minutes of this she said that it was ok to change who you are and what you believe every other day because...and get this...because...sigh..." why not?"

Then from my bizarre experiences on my trip, it got me thinking about the whole concept of contradiction. We are all a constant reminder of contradiction. When we find ourselves in an uncomfortable or upsetting situation, most of the time we convey the opposite to protect our fragility. Through this process the true source of anxiety is often not dealt with or even acknowledged because we are so busy trying to not let others see what we are really feeling. When did that become the etiquette in social circles? Who is to blame? Do we blame them? I mean, protecting ourselves from harm is a survival technique, but is it self destructive?

As I stare at the picture above I see the similarity in out human behaviour. Land and rock is completely different to the fluidity of movement of water or sea. We are so often building these immoveable walls around us which will eventually crumble anyway with the patient and continuous erosion from our surrounding or environment.

Many Eastern philosophers and Buddhas have said that we should be like water. Be pure in our makeup and be open to change. Adapt to our environment. But change does not mean to contradict ourselves either. It is easier to move and feel lighter without carrying these heavy walls we so desperately hold onto. Our environment and society should not make us feel lonely or lost, we should become part of it to enhance and enjoy its full potencial.

Just as the cliffs get shaped by the oceans, so should we be shaped by our environment, in a positive and beneficial way. Let the crashing waves and trials be the right of passage into beautiful perspectives like this photograph.

Wasting time

Avoidance from dealing with our ego can lead to some seriously srange past times. When faced with failure in one area of your life, we naturally want to succeed at other things, no matter how daft or insignificant.
I am in one of these bubbles at the moment, floating above the heads of the fortunate and waiting for the big pop back to reality. I can't say that it is actually an unpleasant experience though. I'm teaching myself new skills, which helps combat controllable problems. For instance:

OATS: Yes, the dry stuff that they make porridge from...and no, I am not becoming the master porridge maker, because I already am (apparently I am working on inflating my head too...you gotta start somewhere, I guess). I have decided to make a homemade exfoliator for my skin. I crush up some organic oats and when you add a little bit of water, it becomes a grainy paste. Then you mix it with some overpriced 'organic' face wash and you got yourself a party on your face. It actually smells really comforting but it does still feel a bit like bathing in your breakfast. Which reminds me of my fantasy to bath in a big tub of warm creamy milk. That is EXACTLY how it sounds.

MOBILE BILL: Going through this process, I understand the importance of hassling people at all times of the day by calling them to talk about dribble. Running up a phone bill and chowing all my minutes sounds way more viable than dealing with the bruised ego of my mind. My biggest low for the day was talking about how I was tucking my shoelace into my shoe...it shouldn't have lasted that long, but it did and I am shamed. Luckily for me, most of the people that know me, think this is completely normal behaviour. Hmmmm..hold on...NAH!let's close that book again.

BINGE:We all have our reason for binging on food. We eat crap and we will justify it by saying we are only human afterall. I am the worst binger of all. I have never been able to do it correctly. While my friends were nursing their hangovers with copious amounts of grease and food mayhem, I would take a few bites and revert back to a carrot stick or a salad. When I'm hungover, I get healthier than ever. I buy the best pressed juices, binge on things like tomatoes, celery, seeds and lots of water. If I were to have some grease, it would have to be a clean(ungreasy) fried egg on seedy toast with greens, mushrooms, halluomi and grilled tomato. It's the same when I am denying myself reflection and forgiveness. I practically inhale things like raw peas, litre bottles of carrot juice, nuts and fruits rich in antioxidants. The naughtiest I will be is to have a chocolate and I will feel so ill afterwards, that I just counteract it with another handful of something nutritious. I really can be nauseating but it's just a nother quirk in a long line or...well...um...quirks? We all have our vices.

Roll like a ball: This is also known in Pilates as the 'Roll like a ball' exercise. Wow, so uncanny I tell you. Since I can remember, I liked lying on my back hugging my knees to my chest and rocking like a ball. I would even place something heavy like a foot stool on my knees while I watched TV, so that I could get the necessary feedback from both sides, that I was, in fact....a ball. Then many years later I got the opportunity to actually TEACH this motion. So every class this week I have taught this exercise. Maybe I was trying to get back to my roots of a foetus but it's a weird comfort I have. I see the world around me through different eyes and tap briefly into that silly side I can so often forget about.

So see..there are many ways to avoid the reality of facing your weaknesses and have a little fun too. Oh dear!...I see a rose bush in my path. *POP*

Daily dose

It's Friday again, how fortunate are we? We have so many Fridays in a year which means that even the grumpy people out there are still happy at least once a week. I am feeling ill *insert snarl at the ordasity* but for some reason I still feel chipper.
I was explaining to my lovely man, last night, that it is truely a blessing having such a sore throat from being sick. It stops me from saying thoughtless things. It's like a toll gate boom has gone down on me and I can't continue my journey until I have paid the required fare. It has also slowed me down from crazy-ass-speedy gonzales to strolling-hazey bambino. For those of you who don't have a Sam decoder, it just means I have been appreciating the concept of 'now' a little more than usual.
It's amazing when we slow down, be more thoughtful with our words and actions and learn the joys of appreciating even the most frustrating things like illness, we can smile a lot more often.
It's a fact that children can laugh and smile us adults under the table.Really, they do put us to shame! And, sure, we have more responsibilities and concerns but we also have a lot more experience than them. This should mean we have a lot more wisdom than them, but yet here we are doing ourselves huge injustices by depriving ourselves of the best medicine...laughter!
So I say to all of you, go out there and smile like an idiot, laugh at yourself harder and embrace your inner child! Who knows? Maybe this could be the next good habit your form and the next better life you lead!

Shoreditch Streets

The Big Buzz

I am a slave to my diary...sorry scrap that, my THREE diaries. Yes, I AM that busy and you WILL start noticing me metamorphasising into a little African bee. Working two jobs and building up a business is a constant source for buzzing wings. I have always had this...hmmm...what to call it?...let's go with the word: fascination, with comparing human beings to animals.
Some you can spot straight away in their obvious resemblances and some only show through their personalities or gestures. I have always wanted to be a wholesome, loyal dog but I was never a 100% convinced of this. Dogs are cuddly and simple, I am neither of those things. My complication comes from a place that is more swirling than cuddly. So I have decided that for now, the perfect animal to descibe me is, in fact, an insect... the African bee. I have quite a nasty sting and will have no qualms about defending my home and the people I love. However, I do produce the sweetest honey when treated well. What would the world do without us millions of hard working bees that never give up when life throws us challenges that just seem so unreasonable? Bees are extremely sensitive to their environment and spend their life working as a team with the sole purpose of creating a successful community or colony for future genrations to come.
I understand the bee and I have a lot of respect for this seemingly insignificant creature. Bees are an essential necessity to any healthy environment and that is why I don't blame them for all the painful stings I have had from them in the past or the fact that I am now highly allergic to their stings...hell, how can you when they die after stinging you?
Ok...now it is time for me to buzz off and be one with my diary.
Bzzzzzzzzz!